One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
