she was so not down for the gang bang
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
