How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
