I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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