you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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