I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
