You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
