I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I didn't notice because vodka
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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