but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had sex on a dog bed..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
