Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize