I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
There are leaves in my underwear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
