Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
