you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
