OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
