I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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