Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this hospital has no fireball
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
