Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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