Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
