Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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