i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
