i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize