I'm going to jail i love you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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