Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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