the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
