We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
