we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just google imaged poop.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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