My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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