if you like me you must not know who I am
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
