Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
