I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
