I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
