so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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