do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
