She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize