If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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