I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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