I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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