R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
