Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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