just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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