So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
