i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
