is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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