I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize