Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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