I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
