last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Of course I have a pirate flag
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
