Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
