you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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