Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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