drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
