i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize