Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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