what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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