Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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