Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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