nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
