Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
