Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
