He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
