it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
