Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
