tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
