But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
