i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
