he shaved USA in his pubs
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
