since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
