im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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