I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
