i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
