I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
