Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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