How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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