what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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