If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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